Being made

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

About a month ago, I had been in a long season of pain and anger. A combination of things had just been weighing on me for so long, and I slowly slid into a depression. I felt oppressed and controlled by the enemy. I awoke and went to sleep angry everyday. I didn't feel like eating, I didn't feel like getting out of bed. On days when I was so mean and bitter that I was causing conflict left and right, I felt like my family would be better off without me.

I prayed for God to change me. I didn't know how to get out of this hole I had found myself in. I was angry and hurt about so many things, I needed healing that I couldn't get with my heart so hard. Feeling miserable is a vicious cycle.

And then God answered my prayers. He gave me joy and a renewed spirit. He gave me the strength to pray through all the feelings I was feeling. He gave me wisdom to discern all the problems that were going on. He gave me a desire to be close to him. He started showing me how to really love and serve others and why I should. It's been a few weeks, and God has been knocking down walls everyday.

He started building a house I never could have dreamed of.