This is a candid list of some things I have learned throughout my first pregnancy so far, as I write this I am nearly 34 weeks. Please take whatever you find helpful and leave the rest. I am by no means an expert, but I love reading real women's perspectives on pregnancy, which is why I write this.
#1. Get a head start.
Pregnancy is this terrible game of "hurry up and wait." When you find out you're pregnant your mind naturally goes crazy with everything that will be changing and happening over the next year. You start to research what you need, what you need to do, what to expect.... For me this whirlwind climaxed then ended with my first trimester. After spending what felt like weeks reading and researching, I was ready for a break, it all just seemed SOOO far in the future, what was the point in trying to do it all now?
While that break was nice (and totally acceptable), all of a sudden I was 28 weeks pregnant (hello, LAST trimester) and I freaked the crap out. Here I was, feeling like the baby was going to come any day now, and we had not read a single baby book or taken any classes. Heck, we hadn't even chosen a midwife or a place to deliver yet, much less a pediatrician!
This sent me into a frenzy. It took me a few weeks to finally
If I could go back I would have crossed the following things off in my second trimester:
-Picked a midwife and place to deliver
-Created a birthing plan
-Started reading baby books
-Taken at least a few basic classes about labor, breastfeeding, and newborn care (we are skipping this altogether now)
If you're like me, then you have had what kind of stroller, baby carrier, nursing bra, bottle, etc, that you want picked out by your 10th week. But if not, then I would add "product research" to this list as well.
Me and Charlie at the start of my third trimester, aka "the great freakout".
#2. Talk to other moms.
Since I am on the younger side and the first of my best friends to have a baby, I don't spend too much time interacting with moms of young children. But really, moms are the experts (who knew).
You can get a lot of opinions on the internet, my personal favorite, but when you're just not sure if your baby needs a swing and a vibrating chair, ask some moms. Is it insane to try and cloth diaper using shared laundry? Ask some moms. Staying up all night with your crazy fears about labor and all it's possibilities? Talk to some moms. (I have tried talking to Charlie about this a hundred times and bless him for listening, but men just can't understand the fear).
My mom, grandma, and sister, three women who I love talking parenthood with!
#3. Be firm in your beliefs but flexible with your judgments.
You will surely become closer with other friends who are pregnant at the same time as you. My sister and a few close friends happened to get pregnant within a few weeks of me, which makes it more exciting! But boy is everybody different when it comes to pregnancy, babies, and parenting.
I'm a classic glass bottles, cloth diaper, breastfed is best, sulfate free, roll in the grass, hippie parent. (For the record, Charlie is too). But just like in every other area of our lives, my sister and I are opposites. Since I wanted this pregnancy to help us bond instead of alienating one another, I took a road that I don't normally take when I believe strongly in something, the road called "shutup, it doesn't matter." Normally I love making my family watch documentaries and read articles about the growth hormones in our food, but I knew that this just wasn't one of those opportunities. I want to keep my mommy friends close, not push them away. If I do stumble across a great video or book, I recommend it to my other pregnant friends, but I don't push it. I have strong beliefs, but I also know that I don't know it all yet, nor will I ever, and I sure hope nobody gives me a dirty look as I try to figure this "parenting" thing out.
If a friends asks for your opinion, by all means, share! People are more likely to be swayed by facts and information than they are by your personal bias or judgements though, so keep that in mind.
The only person you need to be on the same page with is your partner, everyone else is optional.
Photo by: Peter Larson Photography
#4. Pregnancy really isn't that bad.
I have come to the conclusion that pregnancy is given a bad rap by a small minority of two kinds of people. People who: actually have really bad pregnancies (I'm sorry if this is you) or don't get any sympathy from their partner and need to look for it elsewhere by complaining to anyone who will listen (I'm also really sorry if this is you :( I will listen).
But I believe that for the most part (again, if you are the exception please don't take offense) pregnancy is like every other time in your life; how you feel results from how you take care of yourself. If you are unhealthy or overweight to begin with, it's probably only going to get worse. If you don't drink enough water, walk enough, sleep enough, or eat healthy, you probably will be miserable. Such are the rules for any other time in life, but pregnancy tends to MAGNIFY whatever is going on in your body.
(These rules don't apply to the first trimester. I was healthy as a horse before getting pregnant but I had such bad morning sickness I landed in the ER.)
For example, most people don't drink very much water. Certainly not the 897,298 ounces a day or whatever it is that we're supposed to drink. Normal people? Get thirsty, maybe a headache, drink some water, whatever. Pregnant women? Nausea, headache, dizziness, fainting, stomach cramps, general feeling of death. If you are out of tune with your body before you get pregnant, get it together. If you generally do okay, your pregnancy probably wont be the horror story you've heard so much about.
I really was expecting pregnancy to be some sort of nightmare. And while the heartburn, hemorrhoids, swelling, and rib cage matches aren't a picnic, it's really not that bad. So relax. Obviously I have yet to deliver, so I can't speak at all on that part, and it remains a nightmare in my imagination :) I hope I'm wrong on that one too.
My best friend and I getting ready on my wedding day, 6 months pregnant.
#5. Thrift. It. Up.
My absolute favorite thing about living in the city is Value Village (we literally live right across the street), Goodwill, garage sales, and Craigslist. I have never been a big thrift store person, but because we live in such a big city, the selection is amazing, and I'm addicted.
As far as baby stuff goes, we pretty much just stick to clothes, blankets, and books (What to Expect for $1.99!!) at VV and Goodwill. There are about 1 billion onesies in perfect condition for $0.99, and jackets and pants for $1.99. Once you pay $1 for a onesie, you'll never be able to pay full price for one. Garage sales and Craiglist are also great for clothes, but also other items like nursing pillows, baby carriers, strollers, pack n' plays, etc. You can find everything for sale for such a better price than brand new. If you don't live in a city, then plan a weekend to visit one and hit up as many garage sales and thrift stores as you can in one day.
The following is an example of how much money you could save on clothes buying used vs. new.
Used: Old Navy:
15 plain white onesies $15 $50
5 pants (lowest price) $10 $30
Total $25 $80
Take all that money saved and go buy some diapers, which you can't get used ;-)
Chances are someone will throw you at least one baby shower, use this as an opportunity to register for the bigger stuff that you can't find used, and buy all the cheap baby clothes/blankets yourself. I've had several people ask me what I would "like" them to get me, and I knew my top priorities off the top of my head: Baby carrier, breast pump, stroller, nursing pillow.
My first ever goodwill shopping trip, all for under $10.
I hope that this advice is helpful to you throughout your pregnancy. Pregnancy really is a wonderful and exciting experience, I have loved mine and wouldn't take it back for anything. Feel free to comment if you have any specific questions!
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