More than a lily.

The last time I blogged was on Valentines Day. Later that day, one of my two bosses (the nice one) came in to tell me that the other (the mean one) had decided to fire me. I hadn't spoken more than a few words to the mean boss in weeks (we work in different cities) so it came as quite a surprise to me, but a pleasant one none the less.

You see, I had actually been praying that God would provide me a way out of this job. It was really stressful for me to work for such a tyrant, so much so that my heart rate jumped anytime I got a text or e-mail from him, I was so worried it would be in ALL CAPS! For the last few months I have been trying to work on loosening the tight grip I have on my plans and circumstances, and to be patient and wait for God's timing. My past has a pattern of making huge decisions based on my emotions and what I think is "right", and I am ready to happily give that burden over to my heavenly Father. I prayed and prayed about leaving this job, but I knew that it wasn't the right time to quit, so I kept waiting. I was relieved when my boss finally let me go.

In the mean time I am applying for other jobs and collecting some money from unemployment and our business to pay my bills. Luckily I don't have too many so my stress is low. I have a lot to do for our business for now and I am keeping plenty busy.

A lot of people (okay, everyone) has asked me what mine and Charlie's plans are. I know what they mean, he is living in Seattle and going to school, I am living with my parents in Shelton, what's our plan?! But the truth is that is also something we're praying about. After we found out we were expecting, we set a wedding date for January. But after talking to our pastor and our counselor about it, they helped us see that we were merely reacting and that we had backed ourselves into a corner and getting married was the only solution. But now we are taking our time, we are going through pre-marital counseling and asking God to prepare our hearts for becoming a family. We are content with answering "We don't know", because we trust that God does know.

I think I needed losing my job to reassure me that God is listening. He is faithful and he does hear the desires of my heart. I can rest in that.

"Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. 
Of how much more value are you than the birds!
And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?
Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!
And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried.
For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you."

Luke 12: 24-31