Grasp.

This blog is about my least favorite topic. Something I have never considered verbalizing to anyone but Charlie, but today I realized writing about this is just as important as writing about the feel-good helpful stuff (I guess that is how I categorize my average posts?). If it's not important to any of you then I hope it at least helps me somehow to get it out into the world.

Failing at what you love sucks. When you invest time, and not just your daily time but like years of your life, and mental and emotional energy, and passion and love and excitement, and hard work and perseverance into this one thing that you just want so badly to succeed, and it doesn't, it feels like a slow and painful depression.

All I want to do for a living is take pictures. I figured this out five years ago. FIVE YEARS AGO. And since then I have been pouring over information that could teach me how to do that, I have been practicing and yearning and even giving myself away when I deemed it necessary. And I feel like I have learned so much and I feel like my work has gotten so much better. So why is failure my reward?

I feel like there is something I am missing, or probably a few things, that are holding back this growth and success. I think deep down I want to just think everything I have done is enough already and to do more is just not fair. Why can't we have even a little taste of success before we have to change our strategies? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? Not that being a photographer is easy, but that gathering business seems easy.

This failure pains me day after day. At times I just want to throw in the towel, but the worst part is, I can't. Because photography is all I want, I must see this through until I succeed or until a greater passion takes over.